"Marriage"

I must begin this blog with an apology. I don't know how well this message will be conveyed. It's still a bunch of feelings and snapshots in my mind. Please know that I am speaking from a place of innocence and inexperience. I know nothing to very little on marriage as I hear that it's something you really only learn by living it. So anything I say that you as a married, or more experienced, person might disagree with, just shake your head and say "silly Taylor" and go back to watching the Bachelor.

I should probably point out that when I have these discussions, I usually have them with my friends here at school too. This may be why it has been received well - they speak my language, and we're all dealing with similar challenges in life.

Now, the actual issue. Marriage. Slightly pertaining to the recent media highlights that you may have heard of. I don't really want to address it, because I believe I deserve to speak one on one with any person who would like to know my opinion. We'll do lunch. And I simply don't have the will-power to type that much. Plus I should be studying for finals. There's no time.

So whatever side you stand on in the political debate, I hope you grant me the kindness to keep reading. Furthermore, I will note that I'm talking to Christians. People who claim Jesus Christ as their savior and strive to put themselves under his authority. If Jesus is just your 'buddy' and not your coming King, then you may have a hard time accepting what I have to say here.

So, Jesus, our coming King. Coming. King. Jesus Christ is coming back. And really, he's on his way. Hopefully that's clear now.

 Do you want to know what happens when he comes back? Something amazing. Now I am no expert on the book of Revelation, and I don't really want to get into end times stuff because if I did it would be a joke. I know so little when it comes to what's going to happen, and to whom it's going to happen to that I fear that I would not give you an accurate depiction. All I do know is that Jesus is on his way, no one knows the time of his arrival, but when he does arrive the result will be unfathomable and amazing.

Revelation 22:4a says "They will see his face..." My Biblical Interpretation teacher pointed out this verse at the beginning of the semester and I've been thinking about it ever since. No matter who you are or where you are at, as a Christian, this needs to be on our heart always. Five words is all it takes to inspire us to live for that which is bigger than ourselves, and simultaneously washes away all fear of our problems that might interfere with that. One day we are going to see his face, and nothing else will matter. Isn't that amazing? Well maybe not, I know it took me a little while to really see why that was amazing, but know that if relationship with Jesus is your aim, then the idea of seeing his face will grow ever more amazing and exhilarating for you. Keep going.

Now this is where marriage comes in. In the book of Matthew Jesus is asked a question about marriage; if a woman were to re-marry after the death of her first husband, who would she be married to in the resurrection? (And don't worry, her marriages are legit, the Pharisees cite Moses.) Jesus answers "You are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven." (22:29&30)

First of all, Jesus doesn't even answer their question. And he answers a question as if it were an answer in and of itself. He says "you're wrong." It seems to suggest that the Pharisees are asking the wrong question. Their concern is who will be this woman's husband in the end. Jesus says, in the end it won't matter.

Now I'll bring it around to the point. And remember, this is my opinion. I still have a lot to learn. Be nice.

There's a lot of stuff going around about the definition of marriage. What does it mean to be married? Who is marriage between? From listening to many Christians talk about the problem, it's with the definition of the word "marriage". Christians think it means what the Bible says it to mean, but people are trying to change that. And whether you agree with if that's right or not, it's understandable why someone who doesn't ascribe to God and his Word as authority would have a different perspective on what that word should mean.

Understanding it doesn't mean you agree with it, I just want to come out with that for those who think I'm blaspheming or burning the American flag or something.

But as this debate escalates, I think it is doing something really great for the Christian community. Especially young Christians. It's forcing us to look at marriage closely. Or at least I think it should.

1. Marriage is a means.
There's this ideal for Christians and marriage and I believe it has become something of an idol. I myself am guilty of this. Everything we do, needs to be done as a means of glorifying God. What is music if not to glorify God? What is work if not to glorify God? What is marriage if not to glorify God?

Marriage is a means, it is not the end. We don't glorify God so that we can get married. We should get married because it is most glorifying to God. And it will be, because marriage, like anything else, is hard work. If you try and do it on your own, I fear the outcome will end in separation. That could be legal, emotional, physical, or mental separation. Not all failed marriages end in divorce; although many do. Some just fail even though two people may stay together.

If we learn to glorify God first, our marriages stand a better chance. The best chance.

It goes glorifying God, marriage, glorifying God. Glory begets glory. Don't want until after you're married to start glorifying him.

2. Marriage is not for everyone.
There's a statistic that says that only 2% of people in the world won't get married (source: my roommate). Whatever the real number is, we know that only a small fraction of people remain single for their entire lives. BUT that doesn't mean that you aren't one of them.

The Bible doesn't say "98% of people should get married."  I think that people need to consider more seriously the thought of being single. If for nothing more than to solidify that marriage is God's plan and a true desire of your heart.

Paul says "To the single and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (1 Cor. 7:8-9).

Consider your motives deeply. PRAY about them. Maybe you just know that you are going to get married. Perhaps God has revealed this to you. To that I say, wonderful! Marriage is a good thing. The first people God made got married, and their children after that! But if everyone jumped off a bridge, would you? Marriage is a long, difficult jump and it should be considered just as seriously as being single.

The truth is, neither path, married or single, is easy. They are both difficult in different ways. But we write off staying single a little to easily for my taste. It's a serious calling just like marriage and deserves consideration. It is a scary thought, but I don't know if you knew this - so is marriage. There's just more of a market for it, so the advertising helps cushion the blow of toilet seats that never stay down and hair clogging the shower drain. Just saying.

And even if you aren't going to be single for life. If you are single now, or ever will be. Don't accept the cultural norm (a source of, I believe, the present teenage 'crazies') that singleness is a curse. I myself struggle with this, but I know it's not from the Lord. It's the world trying to tell me that I'm not a complete person.

3. Marriage is serious business.
We live in a wishy-washy culture that says "marry someone you are passionately in love with, but feel free to divorce them if that passion ever goes away." It does. But if we look at Hebrew culture in the Bible, marriage was very much like a business transaction. Families arranged marriages between two people. Not that consent by the people wasn't considered, but it was only a part of the marriage. Feelings are fickle. There was a cost, a dowry. And even engagements were binding. *Psst!* Mary and Joseph had such an engagement. When it was found that she was with child and no one except Mary knew the truth, Joseph "resolved to divorce her quietly" (Matt. 2:19). People had thought that she had 'broken contract' by unfaithfulness. Luckily, God 'kind of' had a plan for this baby and his parents.

We have made it very easy for people to end a marriage, and so there is very little risk in jumping into a marriage. (I want to make it clear that I am not pointing fingers, or condemning. I am simply considering patterns in our culture that lead me to this conclusion. I realize that there is a complexity to divorce that I don't understand.)

Whenever we see weddings in the media there is the underlying message: "and they lived happily ever after." Show me one person that was happy forever after their wedding and I will show you a LIAR! Marriage has it's happy moments, but it also has its sorrows. Don't be deceived, the sunset will soon become another sunrise and you will have to work at your happiness together.

4. Marriage is lived.
This is probably going to sound bad. I hope we can stay friends. A marriage certificate is not an automatic marriage. The government may recognize it. But your marriage should first be recognized by Christ. The best way to fight for marriage is to live out a good marriage, to show your community what a healthy marriage looks like. That doesn't mean that when you go to the voter's box you shouldn't vote as God is leading you. But your fight is not against a lie. Your fight if for the truth. Give 110% to your marriage. If you're single, that means finding contentment in Jesus before you meet that other person, or while you're dating that person. If you are married, it means open communication and a desire to sacrifice for your spouse. Things that only come with the help of the Holy Spirit.

I'm not getting down on marriage. I know it's a wonderful, beautiful, God given thing. But it's a serious thing. It's a calling and we need to prepare for any God given calling. I know that this was probably hard to read, it was not particularly fun to think of people cringing or furrowing their brows at something I said. I probably inadvertently made fun of you (I have a problem with that). I may have offended you and I'm sorry. I'm sure there are many gaps in my logic, and I hope that you can accept this as a well-intended, flawed attempt at teaching and engaging dialogue between people.

If you are older, wiser, or more experienced than myself, I ask for your patience; I'm just a young whipper-snapper who's probably trying to fly before her wings are fully grown. If you are my peer or you are younger, perhaps less experienced than myself; I am hard on you because I want to see you thrive on the path that God has for you, sometimes the best way to protect people is to be honest, to prepare them for what's ahead.

Thank you for reading teachers and friends alike. I hope I have not completely wasted your time. I pray that as we navigate these next few years that the church would continue to be the example of Christ's love in a world that desperately needs it.