"Jesusing"

Actually Mr. Tebow, it’s still called praying. Although I will admit it is a clever, and convenient usage of your last name, the location and circumstance of your praying does not make it a new verb. And if it did change, as it were, then we would probably call it “Jesusing” or “Daviding” or “Shadrach, Meshach and Abednegoing” or “Stephening” or a multitude of other terms coined from the names of people throughout history who stood apart from everyone else to bring glory to God.

And so, I think “praying” works just fine.

Respectfully,

Taylor

Perspective

Nature documentaries anyone? It's alright you can say it. This is a safe space. You are in the company of a fellow Planet Earth nerd. I'm a fan. Ok, a huge fan! The other night, I saw Disney's: Oceans for the first time. It was supposed to be one of those watch until you fall asleep movies. Nope, I watched the whole thing, in it's (almost) entirety. This could be due to my Little Mermaid obsession, but I find the Ocean to be amazing. It's like outer space, on earth, what even!?!? I want to live there. No judgment please, I already have a hard enough time making friends.

However fascinating these documentaries are, there is a pattern they all take. A horrible pattern. First, you are bombarded with helicopter shots of the ocean, waves crashing, perhaps a dolphin jumping. And then you get into the ocean and you learn about all these different species of ocean dwelling creatures. There's a segment with the sea lions playing, dolphin families racing, migrating humpback whales. It just makes you think, "oh what fun! The ocean is just such a wonderful place!". And just as you are thinking this, watching the baby sea lions play in the shallow waters... an Orca whale comes and chomps down on one and drags it into the depths....


Jerks. I know that Orcas are smart and fun, and Free Willy, and Shamu. But once you get down to the nitty gritty, realizing that some cute animals eat other cute animals, stuff gets real in the bountiful blue, and you're like "oh, the ocean... crazy." As you may or may not be welling up a bit. Again, no judgment.

Documentaries ALWAYS DO THIS! They pull you in with adorable animals with personalty, and then Pierce Brosnan's voice becomes foreboding and he says something like, "But things in the ocean cannot always be this way." And then it's Penguins for lunch! Hopefully you start to realize that this is the circle of life, and that Sea Lions still have fun, even with the always impending danger of Orca Whales and Great White Sharks.

And then, sadder still, is when the humans show up...


Jerks. The fishing segment. Let me tell you, it is easy to forgive Killer Whales for being hungry for seals, it's a lot harder to do that with humans when you watch a Whale Shark getting caught up in a net, and a Sea Turtle trying to gnaw his way out. And DON'T you dare start with me, I KNOW. People need to eat too! I get it. I have made my peace with it.


There is just something about a suffering animal that tears my heart in pieces. I know it's a casualty that we must face if we want to be able to have fish for dinner. I understand, but that doesn't make it any easier to watch. I was sobbing, I couldn't stop crying during this 2 minute segment. I had to completely skip the part on pollution and the polar ice caps. For anyone who knows me; you get it. For those who don't know me and who haven't read some of my other posts; creation care is big on my heart.

But anyway, back to the whale shark, which by the way is the biggest fish in the world. As I was watching these images of animals caught up in fishing nets, I was convicted. I wanted to save these animals, I wanted to call PETA and say "sign me up for that Whale Shark march!" But soon after, this feeling of even greater sadness came over me, when I realized that this movie was taking away the spotlight from a species in even greater need. I said "What about this whale shark? Who will save it?"

And God said, "It's the girl in the brothel, who doesn't realize her love for the ocean because she's never known what it's like to be loved herself."

"It's the boy in Africa who knows how to create a safe and sustainable way to get food from the ocean, but won't because he can only focus on how to get food for himself."


"It's the kid in the city who has a knack for science, but doesn't have the resources he needs to nurture that talent."

It's the people who can help the earth, the (if I may quote Lewis) " Sons of Adam" and "Daughters of Eve"


It's John, who I met in Africa at an orphanage, he asked if he could borrow my camera and started taking shots of everything, he took this photo of myself...

Maybe he's going to be a photojournalist someday, taking pictures that will drive people to bring about real change in this world. That is if he can get the education and resources he needs.

So, yes, we can help the animals, by helping the people first.

It always gets me, yes even me, when I see that there are people out there who would rather help the stray animals affected by the earthquakes in Japan, when there are PEOPLE who have been displaced and lost loved ones. I was in Seattle not to long ago, and at a shop I was given a token because I did not need a bag for my items. With this token I was able to put it into one of two boxes, it would represent a 5¢ donation that the shop would make to one of the charities. One of the boxes was for AIDs relief, and the other, for a humane animal shelter. Guess which one had the most tokens in it? My friend and I thought "only in Seattle." But really, it's everywhere. Look I know that people can be stupid sometimes, I'm guilty of being so, I know. But we cannot shield people from our compassion and reflect it onto a lesser being. I said it. I love animals, but I also know that they don't matter as much as people.

We want to make the world better, but we think that it's by saving the starving polar bears and being nice to homeless dogs. What about the starving families? Or the homeless man? People first, animals second. If animals are your thing, that's cool. But the only way to create a place where animals can be treated well is by first creating a place where people are treated fairly.

From one animal lover to another, come on, they're just animals.

21

I turn 21 in about 6 hours, and like many (if not all) of you, I have been asked the textbook question for someone turning 21 in the United States, “What are you going to do for your birthday?” A simple question, when asked to a four-year-old. But once 21 rolls around, it’s is one of the world’s most loaded questions. I hate to disappoint but I’m not going to multiple bars tomorrow night. Or even one for that matter.

It’s not because I think drinking alcohol is wrong, although I am profoundly opposed to drinking to get drunk and under-age drinking. I do no think there is anything wrong, however, with someone who is 21 or older enjoying the occasional alcoholic beverage with a meal.

But I think it is extremely cliche and trivial to drink alcohol just because you can. I do not think that it is a valid reason to do so, for myself. If you have taken part in this “rite of passage” as someone who has turned 21, please do not feel that I am judging you. I can not, you are perfectly within your right, as someone who is of age, to drink alcohol.

But I do not think that because I will be allowed to drink, that I will. I want to have a reason, and “just because I can” does not cut it for me.

If I drink alcohol, I want to make sure that my decision is based on a real desire to do so, under responsible circumstances. I do not want to decide to drink out of boredom or under the pressure of my peers. If I drink it will be small, and probably not very exciting for anyone except myself. Therein lies the beauty of this wonderful milestone, my drinking alcohol, whenever I decide to do it, is not really about you. It’s about me, and my choice to do it, because I know that it’s the right time.

You can talk about how much fun your 21 run was, or what you can remember from it. If I drink or when I drink, you might not even hear about it. Maybe I’ll be at a family gathering and someone will offer me a beer with dinner, or maybe I’ll be in a restaurant in the south of France, eating bread and cheese, and decide that a glass of wine sounds lovely and ask the waiter what he recommends. (The latter-mentioned sounds, to me, the ideal circumstance to partake in drinking alcohol.)

Anyone who has offered to take me out for a drink, thank you, but no, I don't want to go out. Not because of the company, but because the thought of drinking does not interest me. Tomorrow, I’m going to get my license renewed in the morning, and go swing dancing later in the evening and enjoy my 21st birthday the way I want to. I will not be drinking alcohol.

At the intersection of heart and mind

Sometimes I feel that I have lost the ability to be inspired. Perhaps I never had it. I just find myself observing the beauty around me and I think: "I should do something! Paint, draw, photograph, write, play, anything! Just do something!" I want to add beauty to this world! I want to be an artist, not simply a viewer of it. I don't want to be a taker. I constantly feel this desire to pick up a pen and write, but when I do, it seems as though the moment has fled. It's as though the connection between the inspiration in my heart and the ideas in my head is not there. I either have a great idea and no inspiration to get me going, or I have tons of inspiration but no ideas with which to execute that feeling.

Right now, I feel inspired, but with nothing to write about, so I ramble. But I suppose that is better than not doing anything.

Maybe that's it. Maybe it's about exercising your inspiration even when you don't know why. Writing those ideas down, even when you don't feel up to it. So that one day when inspiration and idea finally do occur at once, you are able to create something extraordinary.

I cannot wait to be there.

Heigh-ho

It's been a while, sorry about that. But not really, it's a blog, I'll do what I want. (Next blog post should probably be on how to properly write apologies. Whatever. Sorry.) But be thankful that it's been a while. Had I written any sooner you may have thought I was a 16 year old girl who had fallen helplessly (or rather pathetically) in love with a vampire or something. And who in their right mind would want to read that? (BA-ZING! Me: 1, Meyer: 0, Meyer Fans: -1)

Moving on.

Have you ever heard the phrase "I was born in the wrong decade/century/time period/"? I think I should just make that my catchphrase, you know, get a bumper sticker, possibly even a tattoo on my face? But really, it's already tattooed on my brain. It's an idiom that has been consuming my thoughts constantly.

I strongly desire to live in a different time, and I'm not even sure what one. The past seems so lovely right about now. I want to read books for entertainment instead of watching their movie counterparts. I want to learn to play the piano in order to listen to music. I want to write letters to friends and family, and have to wait to hear back from them weeks later. I want to grow food, and harvest it. I crave the peace and quiet that my world today lacks severely. Peace and quiet that requires patience to find the amusement in one's pursuits.

Now please do not take this to be a complaint about the blessing that it is to live in America, in 2011. With luxuries and comforts that make things like communication, entertainment and nourishment so simple, so abundant, and so accessible. I love these things and I take part in them often. So often that I take them for granted.

But when I get the chance to see the person that it has transformed me into, I am horrified. I can't sit still, I'm stuck in a constant restlessness. I need things that no human being should ever actually need. Facebook, iTunes, cell phones, weekly television shows to be watched religiously, my car to go to the nearest cafe whenever want. I am a slave to modern technology. In part because of the convenience (awesome), but mostly because of my laziness (less awesome). I'm restless because I should be working, but I don't because there's no need. I don't have to do it.

There is no effort necessary in speaking to people, in listening to music, in making delicious food anymore! Because of this, there is no substance in the conversations we have (lol!). There is no talent necessary in making some of the most popular songs that people are listening to (what with auto-tune and a good beat there's no lack of "musicians" these days.) There is no appreciation for the food we eat (have you thanked your microwave lately?)

We don't have to truly work for any of these things. And as a result, they mean less. We take them for granted.

What if when you asked someone how their day was you actually let them tell you how their day was? The good, the bad, the funny, the pointless. What if when someone asked you how your day went, you actually told them the truth? Instead of just saying "oh, it was fine."

Music is a bit different, not everyone is musically inclined. We can't all sing or play instruments, some people just don't have the knack for it. But have you tried? How do you know you can't play? Or sing? And when you listen to music, challenge it. Ask yourself, why do you listen to it? What are the lyrics saying? Do you agree with them? Listening to music doesn't always have to be an intellectual monologue, some songs are just great to bob your head up and down to. But some music is, pardon my French, universal crap. It's just bad music, and you know it. I don't judge you for having it on your iPod, but get some other music too. Find artists that create and produce their own music. The kind of music that wouldn't be possible without blood, sweat and tears. The kind of music that never needed a computer program to make it sound good. Expand your horizons a bit. Allow music to inspire you to be better, not to wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy. There's no reward in that.

Food. Cook your food! Know where it comes from! Don't just bring home cans of Spaghetti-O's and granola bars and all the other processed junk that we already eat too much of! Fresh food is truly a gift we take for granted. Take it a step further, grow your food! There is something powerful in growing your own food. I love the summer when I can make salad from the lettuce we grow. Lettuce is foolproof, and it makes you feel all green and stuff! It makes you grateful, it makes you feel good, accomplished even.

The best things in life are only the best because they weren't easy to get. Don't let the fact that we have so many modern conveniences at our disposal prohibit you from doing things the old-fashioned way. There's reward in doing things yourself, it may take extra effort, time, and maybe even a little cash here and there. But it's worth it. I desire a culture that cares about working hard. I desire to care about it myself. I want to see a people that puts their hands to the dirt and sees beautiful and inspiring things come out of it. To see the fruit of your labor is a reward in and of itself.

And if you can find reward in the work itself, well, then your life is blessed.

I'll give you something to talk about.

When it comes to communication, the world is doomed. It does not matter if you are speaking, typing or tweeting, this generation's version of communication is watered-down, it's lazy and it's ugly. Communication is (or should be) a beautiful thing, and believe it or not, it's a wonderful form of self-expression and individuality. But we are so far from being there because we are forgetting simple things; fundamentals. Now I'm no English teacher, and I certainly don't want to claim my literary talents superior to anyone's. (Although, that was a beautiful sentence, no?) I am one of those people that will read a sentence and subconsciously correct it. To me it is similar to a person wearing their shoe on the wrong foot, or their shirt inside out, and in some cases it's as though some people completely forgot to put their pants on! Then my brain over-heats and I consider saying something. But I fear I would sound rude, or overbearing. So I just sit and keep quiet while my eye twitches and smoke starts coming out of my ears.

Here's the point; nowadays the information is more important than the way it's presented. That may be true when your house is on fire, but when you're talking about how "OMG, its saturday and im board."

I wonder if people actually know that, at best, what their sentence conveys is that they are...

... A BOARD!

NO! That is not important. It doesn't make any sense! If you are going to tell me useless information, please be sure to use proper spelling and punctuation. It is very possible to present important, and even unimportant, information and still use the literary tools you learned when you were a child.

Why don't we just start using cave paintings to communicate? Those are pretty hard to mess up. Hold on a minute, we already do. Facebook pictures say more about us than our words do. Hmmm, food for thought.

My least favorite thing is when I see bad grammar from people I hold in high esteem. I know people make mistakes and I would never hold a few small errors against anyone. Auto correct can be a pest sometimes. I probably made some mistakes in this very post. But when things start becoming a pattern, it shows that you just do not care, and that saddens me greatly.

And do NOT give me that "I don't care what you think about me" garbage, because this isn't about that. This is about me knowing that you are better than that, and you are capable of trying to sound like an intelligent human being. I could not care less about how the world perceives you. I care about you using your brain. Because you have one, and it is capable of doing far greater things than you are allowing it to.

Not only is the structure of our sentences garbage, but so is the substance with which we choose to fill those sentences. Small talk is alive and well people, and it has become our primary language. Every time a person asks me "What's up?" and I involuntarily say "Not much!" I die a little inside. It's a conversational black-hole into mediocrity. I'm so used to responding that way because I am so used to asking that question without truly meaning it. My words have decreased in meaning and I no longer say what I truly feel, or care to hear the answer to questions I ask.

I hope that this was interesting, but I hope it was educational as well. My wish is that we will start making not only good grammar a priority, but the expanding of our minds as well. I hope that we can use our education past and future to further ourselves. It's so easy to have the learning done for us, we'll use sparknotes.com for an essay instead of reading a book. We let auto-correct change our sentences without knowing why they need to be changed. We use our calculators for the simplest equations (I'm extremely guilty of this one.) We have cut corners, but in the process we have packed away the knowledge that was so graciously gifted to us by educators who believed we could do something amazing with it.

[Your titles here]

"3 For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned." (Romans 12:3)

Think of all the titles that you currently have. Mine? Christ-follower, daughter, sister, friend, barista, actress, etc. Now forget them. Because none of it matters. (I should start off with saying that I've been in the book of Ecclesiastes these past few days and that may or may not be conducive to my current outlook.) You say that you are a photographer? Take your best shot Annie Leibovitz. You say you're an artist? Get to sketching, Michelangelo. Are you a dancer? Bust a move, Anna Pavlova. You say that you are a teacher? School is in session, show me what you've got Mr. Feeny. What your resume says will only be proven by the way you live your life, by how well you live up to those titles.

Our titles are how we shape our identity.

But just like our identity shouldn't be found in the clothes we wear, the people we love, or the money we make. Our identity cannot be found in the titles we hold. Don't get me wrong, I love the titles I have and can't wait to attain the titles that I will someday receive. I love what those titles mean, the responsibilities and the privileges that I have in them. But they are just that, titles. They don't make me any better at the things I do, they can make my resume pop, but they aren't a true representation of the skills that I have. Teachers can have a classroom, but still not know how to teach. Students can go to school, but still not learn anything. Family members can be related, but still not love their family. A title means nothing without the works that back it up

And if that's the case then anytime I don't live up to my titles, my identity suffers. Because when I seek to find my identity in the labels that I have acquired or been given, the minute that I lose the ability to teach others, or to make a mean cup of joe, I lose a part of my identity. Some titles can never be lost, like sister, I will always be a sister. But when I fail to love my brothers in the way that I should, I fall short, I feel this extreme guilt that I am not worthy of the title given to me. Christ-follower would be the title that I fall short of the most.

But that's a good title, I should be proud right? Of course, many of the titles I hold are awesome, they make me feel like a better person. I'm honored to have them. But if I get to hold onto the good titles I have achieved; Christ-follower, sister, helper, teacher, I must also be willing to hold the titles that I'm not so proud of; sarcastic, lazy, complacent, sinner.

The problem with titles is that they are dependent upon my ability to achieve them. Including Christ-follower. Now I'm not saying that holding the title of Christ-follower is bad and that we shouldn't declare ourselves as such. But even Christ-follower is dependent upon my ability to follow Jesus. And I will honestly say that I don't always live up to that title.

Instead, find your identity in a title that you will always live up to. A title that isn't dependent upon your abilities, but completely dependent on an unchanging God. How about Designed by the Creator, Loved by the King, Child of the Heavenly Father, or Saved by Grace?

You will always have these titles.

A letter from your wife, your sister, your daughter, your friend,

This may be timely, or it might be a little early. I just hope that it hasn't reached you too late.

I grew up in the church, but by the time that I was actually old enough to understand the things that they had taught me in Sunday school, my family had let sports come between us and attending church regularly. Eventually we just gave up on our old church and went to churches here and there, when we could, when we didn't have a game or we weren't too tired. I was lucky enough to have a friend who cared enough about me to berate me with invites to her church until many months later I finally relented and went. That church is now my home church, and I spend more time there than I do at my own home. I love it there, I love serving in the many areas of ministry that I am honored to be a part of.

But there's one problem, like I said I spend more time at my church than at my home. Why? Because I am fed at my church. I learn, I grow, I gather together with other Christ followers. My home is a mission field. I often feel drained at home. I'm fired up at church, and then I go home and my passion is snubbed. That doesn't sound right. And it's not. I am the missionary at my home. (There is absolutely no disrespect meant towards my parents or my brothers, but it's the truth, they aren't as close to Jesus as they used to be.)

I need a leader, I need a pastor in my home. I don't have that. I am speaking as a woman/girl/daughter/sister and future wife and mother, who for some of the most formative years of her life has been without a father or brothers who could pastor her. This is my plea to any man reading this, be the pastor of your home. Perhaps you are a young man, still living at home under the authority of your parents. Don't let that stop you. Be the light when perhaps there isn't any. You can still be a pastor to your siblings, and even to your parents. It will serve you. You will know what it's like to lead before you actually have a home of your own to lead.

I'm not here to complain about how you haven't done enough or put you down for not realizing this sooner. I want to encourage you. I speak on behalf of your family, present and future. They need a pastor in their home, now and forever. I wish my father could be "pastor dad", I wish he could disciple my brothers, teaching and showing them what it's like to be a man of God. I wish he could pray with me, teach me things, and encourage me to be the woman of God I should be. I pray that he can be that someday, but currently he isn't. I wish my brothers could be "pastor brothers" who are learning what it means to lead and defend a household that serves God. So that one day, they can be "pastor husbands and dads" too!

Furthermore, I want, I need, I won't settle for anything less than, a pastor husband. I want you to teach me and lead me, and pray with me. I want a man who, when we aren't at church five out of the seven days of the week, can bring to our family the leadership we need. I don't want kids who don't want to come home from church. I want kids who want to go to church, but I want kids who know that home is just as safe as church. That they won't be drained there, that they can grow and learn and serve at home too! I want our house to be a home, a church, a sanctuary. Not just to our family, but any person who walks through our door.

And I promise that I will help you, I will be pastor wife and mom! I will teach when I need to, discipline when I need to, and support you in any other ways that you need me to.

Fathers, husbands, brothers, and friends, please be the men you were made to be. Pastors of your home, teachers who are not above being taught themselves, but are up for the challenge of leading a family in every way possible. You won't be perfect, I'm not asking for perfection. I'm asking for effort. That's what matters. That's what we care about.

Love,
Your family

Declaring

Tonight, I flossed my teeth to the glory of God. I also cleaned my bathroom, did my laundry, organized my desk and learned about the moon. All to the glory of God.

Before I continue, I would like to acknowledge how insane I sound/am... insanity acknowledged... moving on.

Here's my point, "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands." Psalm 19:1

Now you may be asking, what does declaring the glory of God have to do with plaque and messy rooms? Simply, everything. Stay with me, and I will get you there.

I have had the privilege of getting to go through the series The Truth Project at a young adults group led by a friend. I've watched the videos before, but for those of you who have seen them, you know that they are worth watching over and over again. Tonight's lesson was on Science. I won't go into all of the particulars about the lesson because I really cannot recall of the information I learned...

But here are some things I am understanding and have changed me forever,

Science is a tool through which we can worship. All of the discovery we have made on this earth points to God, and his greatness. From the tiniest atom, to the farthest reaches of the universe. All of this information points to God's infinite greatness and creativity. His vastness, and yet his closeness. Science, the discovery of truth is really the discovery of God. Because of these discoveries, we draw closer to Him. And that's worship.

Worship isn't just music on a Sunday morning. Worship used to seem so simple. Music. Standing in a church, reading words from the screen while someone who can hold a note sings it louder than everyone else so we don't feel self-conscious. But really, what is the heart of worship? It's the discovery of God and his heart. It's thanking Him, knowing Him, praising Him. Whatever. The word isn't important, it's a means by which we draw closer to God.

Science can do the same thing. Studying the moon and the lunar eclipses is a means of worship. It reminds us (well maybe not all of us, but it certainly reminds me) of how amazing God is. And because of that we can draw closer to him.

God not only made us to worship him, he also gave us literally thousands of ways to do that! In his creation we have so many ways to worship him. Anything can be used to worship him. Learning, singing, breathing, laughing, jumping, loving, running, etc.

Caring is a form of worship. For me, the thing that points me toward God is the beauty of his creation. Mountains, trees, rivers. Just picture something painted by Bob Ross. That's one of my greatest reminders of my Creator. He created me, and all the things around me. I'm big on creation care, not because it's relevant, I don't enjoy it when people tell me I'm too green for my own good. Creation care is one of the ways that I know how to worship God best. I love God, by loving and taking care of what he's made (although I don't always do a great job of this.)

Now here's where floss comes in. I am God's creation. He made me, he made the hairs on my head, the teeth in my mouth. So when I care for those things, I can actually be showing God that I care for Him. Tonight, I flossed my teeth, I took care of them, to God's glory. Showing him that I am so in love with Him, that I want to take care of myself, because I know that He cares too. Tonight, I cleaned my room, because I wanted to show God that I'm done neglecting my laziness. I'm not saying that good dental hygiene and a clutter free room is going to get me a better house in Heaven. It's not even about that. It's about showing my Creator that I care, that I'm thankful, that I want to take care of that which I am so privileged to have, because I have the means to do it.

It's like music, God doesn't need us to sing in order for us to worship, but we have it and we can use it for just that. So let's!

But don't get me wrong, I understand that these things are small and in the grand scheme of things cavities don't matter very much. But taking care of myself is important to God. The caring of my spirit; making sure that I am staying connected with God, that I'm in the word and making Him a priority. The caring of my mind; learning, growing, teaching. The caring of my body; eating well, exercising, resting. The general caring of my life; this means yes, taking some time to clean my room (which is really a metaphor for taking care of your responsibilities. I hope you caught that.)

So take the time to take care of yourself, not because you just want to look good or because you like the way your sheets smell after you give them a quick Febreeze bath. Even though there's nothing wrong with that. Take care of yourself because your Creator cares for you and he's given you the tools needed to worship him in everything you do. Even fighting cavities.

"The heavens declare the glory of God,"
And so do you.

How to make a Ginger into a Genius

I was in a play, Picasso at the Lapin Agile written by Steve Martin. I played a young Albert Einstein; it's a long story. The last three days we performed it at our college (my old college). The show was incredible! It was all such a wonderful experience. The fun of getting ready in the dressing room, warming up.


Walking around the stage in character. Feeling completely at peace knowing that you did all you can do and now it's go time, all while feeling complete terror as you realize that all of your lines have completely escaped your memory. This is when it has to become more than just reciting lines, it's about living the experience. Being so into that character that it doesn't matter what the lines are, because you know them inside and out, and you know what they'll say anyway. It was amazing, the excitement, that adrenaline rush right before you open the door to make your entrance. That silence as you enter, feeling their eyes shift toward you. The giggles from your friends as they realize that yes, that is you in the wig and over-sized mustache that make you look like Groucho Marx, or Mario from the Nintendo games.


Your first punch line and the laughter that follows. The laughter you hear from a face you just made. It's the nuanced laughter that you don't expect, because I'm not trying to make you laugh, I'm trying to make you believe this person I'm portraying is real, he just happens to be funny. I want you to forget that Taylor exists, and that this man does.

This has been the most challenging thing I've done in a while. It was so rewarding to, by the end of this whole stint, actually know this character. To be so confident with what I was doing. I wasn't worried about flubbing lines, or dropping props, as long as you recover in character, no one will know what's scripted and what's not. It's like riding a bike without training wheels, once you realize that the only thing from keeping your face off the pavement is speed, you want to go as fast as possible.

This is why we do it, so that when you walk out of that theatre, you got to see lives being lived in ways you'd never imagined, by people you wouldn't expect. Or maybe more simply, we made you smile. Because you knew that even though it was your friend in the pinstripe suit, she was happy, she was doing the thing she knows how to do best. And if that means putting on a mustache and wearing shoes that are too big for my feet, I guess I can do that. We are your modern day court jesters, you may make fun of us because we are too loud, or we do that weird thing with our faces. But we make you laugh, cry and cheer. All from the comfort of your seat. And you love it. But here's the secret, so do we. We are drama kids.

Spring Cleaning: Facebook Edition

I did it, I cleaned up my facebook, finally!! It was arduous, but it feels great!

Ignore, block or delete? That is the question.

1. Annoying/irrelevant/unnecessary posters: I ignored all the annoying posters; the people who find it necessary to tell everyone their schedule for the day, as if it were somehow novel to go to the gym after work and then go out drinking with "ma gurls" later. The mom's who ask about the color of their kid's poop and if that means that little Johnny can be put into preschool early or not. The one who posts articles about that relevant topic that I won't bother to read.

2. I have 2,000 best friends that I talk to all the time: 634 friends, down to 555. If I'm being completely honest, I should have deleted more. But there were some people that I thought I might offend if I deleted them. Or I heard that they actually care about me and look at my page from time to time. Which means I should probably extend the same courtesy, but....nah. Too much work.

There are the people whose pages I only go on to see how their life is going, to make sure it's not going better than mine. The people I judge. I had to delete those ones immediately. That was a real conviction actually. I'll probably discover that I didn't even get them all.

Then there are those people that make you go, "Who is Katie Choi? I have actually never met this person in my life." Those what were you thinking friends? The, I want more friends than my friends, friends. It's nothing personal, I just don't know you, so I would like to reclaim a smidgen of my privacy if you don't mind.

Or the people that added you, so you think "well, I guess I can stay friends with them, I don't want to be rude. They did request me, after all." Go to their page... 2,000 friends? Yeah that's what I thought. They won't miss you. Deleted.

3. The Chatters: It's late, you just got home, you're doing a quick Facebook scan to see what's up with your friends. *POP!* Someone you don't talk to in real life wants to talk to you via Facebook Chat! You start typing hello, but then decide, no. It's late you want to go to bed. What's that? They saw that you were typing? They know you're there? Crap.

Here's what FB chat is for, to tell your friends some exciting/interesting news, to tell them to answer their phone, or to make a joke right before they sign off. All good reasons to use chat.

What is FB chat not for? Talking for no apparent reason. This upsets me greatly. Is there anything more annoying? Not really. If you don't have a reason for talking, then don't. Just spare everyone the awkwardness.

Solution: My solution was just get rid of chat. It's off permanently. Anyone who really needs me can call me or text me (or Heytell, whaaaat!). Or even tweet! But there's also a great tool, you can make lists on chat! I have two, the actual chat list for pretty much everyone, and one for those select few that I KNOW for a fact are Chatters. The list is simply titled "No", it's always turned off. So when I do decide to turn on chat to see who's on, I need not worry about being swarmed with chatters. They are contained. And they must just think I'm never on Facebook when they are.

All of this is in an attempt to get Facebook back to what it was, a way of communicating with friends. Sharing my life with them. I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder about facebook, it's annoying, I hate how I feel like I need it. It doesn't even mean anything anymore, and yet life has become so centered around it. It actually started to make me angry at social networking in general. (Except Twitter, she's different.)

But there is something to Facebook that I love, I can stay connected with my friends. It's an easy way to keep up with their lives as people are moving, getting married, having kids. (And yes, I am in THAT stage of life now, but I'm sure I'll do a different blog post about that some day!) That's the reason that I am so reluctant to delete it. Facebook isn't all evil. Only if you accumulate so many people on your friends list that you can no longer see why you got Facebook in the first place.

So there it is, Facebook Spring cleaning. Easy enough. And kind of fun too.

Everytime someone posts about being alone on Valentine's day, an angel smacks his own forehead in shame.

I will say this as calmly as I possibly can...

There is NOTHING wrong with being single on Valentine's day!

I understand that Valentine's day is special when you do have someone and I would never try to take that away from anyone. But this wallowing in your loneliness is almost unbearable. And people are choosing to be PUBLIC about it!!! The fact that this only happens on Valentine's day, only speaks to the fact that people want a Valentine, not a relationship. They want chocolate not commitment.

I want chocolate too, but I can wait until the 15th. When it's all marked down.

For those of you who have a Valentine, congratulations. I'm sure you are very blessed to have them, just make sure that you tell them how much you love them tomorrow too.

For those of you who don't have Valentines, man up. You'll get your day soon. That day that once seemed simple enough is now a day with the obligation to show everyone else around you that you love someone. Which is the whole point of love anyway right? To talk about it on Facebook?

Where did they go?

I've been thinking a lot about the topic of boys vs. men. How is it that there are so many boys everywhere, and so few men? I thought it was just an age thing, but I'm starting to realize that the problem doesn't lie with boys. The problem is the girls.

That's right guys, you are off the hook. Well, not really. Because I think that's part of the problem; letting boys off the hook is what keeps them from becoming men in the first place. Before we go any further, I must admit that I don't have much experience in this matter and no books or quotes to back it up, I just know what I've seen and heard from people who have been in relationships. I've even got some insight from my lack of being in relationships as well, believe it or not.

The truth is that girls are looking for their Mr. Darcy. If you don't know what that means, please go look it up, it's a part of being a man, I'm sure. But we aren't willing to let Mr. Darcy grow up and become the man that he needs to be. Our mentality is that if we find the right boy that we can make him into the man that we will want him to be in the future. So girls throw themselves at guys, making the first move. "Putting themselves out there" is a popular term. It's the reaction to the "does he or doesn't he like me?" question. It's always annoying and, coming from the female perspective, a bit obvious. If he likes you then he'll respond to your advances, if he doesn't then you'll take the hint.

But we don't really take the hint. When a girl is smitten, and she decides to put herself out there, she generally doesn't relent until she gets her desired reaction from the boy or her heart is broken in someway. She makes herself a fool, to let this boy know that she likes him and wants something to happen.

All the while, this boy has no idea what it means to pursue a girl. To make an effort to win her affection. It's also known as "wooing" and is considered old-fashioned, outdated. But boys, its a rite of passage. It's what turns you into men and husbands. If you want to be married someday, you are going to have to understand what it's like to continually win the heart of the one you love. Just because you are married doesn't mean you can stop dating. *Future husband, please be taking notes!

And ladies, you have to let him do the work. You are worthy of being chased, it's your right as a woman. You are not only robbing this boy of his manhood, but you are also cheating yourself out of one of the greatest parts about dating, the chase. Yes, it does suck. Because when you like someone you can't just "go get him", so to speak. But would you really want to be with someone who doesn't think he has to put in the effort? Would you want a husband who, just because of a ring, thinks that there's nothing left to do? That you're his anyway, so why bother?

Now, I realize, that I've painted this picture where men are dogs and women are princesses and they shouldn't have to do anything. But that couldn't be further from the truth. Girls, if you want a Mr. Darcy then you have to be like the Elizabeth Bennet that he ends up with. Lizzie was the headstrong one, who had a hard time liking Darcy because of their similarities. They were both stubborn, Darcy showed his ability to put his pride aside, in one of the most romantic scenes of any film I've ever seen, but Lizzie couldn't until much later. Don't lose your spunk, that's why he likes you, but don't be a you-know-what. He pursues you on his time, it might not always be the way you want. You have to be patient. If you want him to come after you, you need to understand that it's not always going to be ideal. But if you have to ask the question "Does he like me or not?" Just assume no until he tells you.

Boys, big secret, men are intentional!

I'm just sick of seeing my friends throw themselves at guys because the guys aren't doing anything. I've learned that if he's not doing anything, then he's not the kind of guy you want to be with anyway.

Sometimes you will like guys, and they won't like you back. You have to be ok with that. A woman will accept that this isn't the one and move on. A girl will ignore this and continue to try and make this guy notice her to the point of repulsing him. And guys, sometimes you will pursue girls who won't want anything to do with you. This is also a man/boy test. How will you respond? A man will respectfully bow out. A boy? Will throw some sort of tantrum and blame the girl and put her down. *I actually do have experience there, some guy threw a fit, via text, because I told him I wasn't interested. He was about 25 years old but he was a boy, of this I am sure.

Girls; let men be men. Stop trying to control every aspect of your love life, even the one you love.
Boys; grow up and work for the woman you want. Be intentional!

For the win

What's your idea of success? Is it getting lots of money? Is it having everyone know your name? For me I would take the latter with a side of the first. Money is important to me, but it doesn't get me like fame does. I would much rather have everyone know who I am than have all the money in the world. There's something about attention that makes me thrive and I actually enjoy the idea of working hard for money, earning it instead of just wishing it there. But fame, oh boy, it rocks my socks and it's how I measure whether or not my life is successful

It doesn't matter what your idea of success is, as long as you have one, you can relate. I think this idea that money, or fame, as being indicative of success or failure is a part of American culture, but it's also a part of humanity. Money and fame both have numbers attached; how much did you make? How many people follow you on twitter? Answer: a number we may or may not be proud of.

But how does God measure success? Numerically? Taylor, you were obedient 10 out of 12 times today, that's pretty good! Taylor, you only prayed one time today, and you were falling asleep so just be happy I'm not counting it as half a prayer. Of course not, my success with God is not a number, it can't be measured by scales, or calculators. It can't be measured.

I'm not going to try and talk about what is success to God. Because you can find that in your Bible and honestly, whatever I try to do to be successful, I will always come up short. Perfection is always something to reach for but never attained. Not without Jesus. So I guess God does use numbers. One son to save the whole world. Win.

Getting my serious blog on...

It's time to grow up in the "bloggerverse." Maybe this will convince me to grow up in real life too. Tumblr is nice, but it's really the coloring book of blogs, it's all about colors and pictures and hipsters. You don't have to post ideas or even words for hundreds of people to follow you and like your "work". I wanted a blog in which I could post what I'm thinking, saying what I want to say without caring if people "unfollow" me for it or not.

Maybe I'm just trying to validate what I have to say all over again. Let's all just be thankful that I'm not jumping right to vlogging.